Assertion v/s Aggression — An Analysis with Two Contemporary Works

“Is there a difference — or merely one in perception?”

Assertiveness and aggression are nothing, but two approaches to handling confrontations — each employing different strategies and having different outcomes. While both of these styles emphasise upon solidifying one’s opinion and stance, only one of them leads to better enduring outcomes. Before you take a guess as to which style is better, this article will also give examples of each; making you, as the reader, more certain about which confrontational style you would choose.

• What Exactly are Aggression and Assertion?

Aggression is often viewed as hostile or violent behaviour amid a conflict, that seeks to establish a power dynamic or a stance held by the aggressor. A series of behaviours viewed to be aggressive include yelling, bullying, sarcasm, deceiving, manipulating, or guilt-tripping. Simultaneously, assertion is seen as being able to stand up for oneself or express oneself clearly, openly, and honestly without upsetting others and while accepting and respecting the opinions and feelings of others. The behaviours that are manifested from this strategy include making eye contact, using appropriate gestures, using a level and clear voice, and employing clear and appropriate language. Using “I” statements also helps to clearly express thoughts and feelings.

• Aggression in Marriage Story [2019]; an instance

Everyone, and their parents, are familiar with Marriage Story [and the stellar memes associated with Adam Driver]. A scene that particularly stands out during the course of this exhausting film is the confrontation between Driver and Johansson. Sure the grueling fate of two lovers that ends in such a hopeless manner is the essence of the movie, but it is the confrontation that brings into purview the aggressive style of conflict.

The scene opens with an inciting statement given by Johansson, comparing Driver to his father. This comparison enraged Driver since he did not wish to associate with his father, behaviour or otherwise. The fact that this information was shared at a moment of vulnerability and then mentioned again during a conflict, is again representative of aggressive behaviour. It’s erratic, irrational, and most certainly done to ‘win’ and ‘prove a point’.

The rest of the dialogue focuses more on reversing the comparison and then claiming the ‘compromises’ made by both parties. Not a single time did either party lower their voice and consider listening to the other view. It was a scream-off but it was realistic, nonetheless.

“You hated me.” “No, you hated me.” Here, both parties are deciding for the other what they are feeling; which is counterproductive. The utilisation of “I” statements as opposed to “You” ones are essential at moments like this to show the other party your true feelings and provide a platform to clarify misconceptions.

“Every day I wake up and hope that you’re dead.” This iconic yet heartbreaking line delivered by Driver was immediately met with regret. This is yet another disadvantage of aggression in conflicts. There was no resolution, no positive outcome, and all parties were left defeated. Was this what they wanted?

• Assertion in PINK [2016]; an instance

Conversely, here was a movie that came as a precursor to the #MeToo movement and sought to instigate a conversation about sexual harassment and the stigma against women speaking up. The entire movie is presented as a courtroom drama and is fairly realistic in its portrayal of both the victims and the perpetrators. However, it is the prosecutor, Amitabh Bachchan, who takes centre stage in this movie.

The most iconic scene from this piece was when he was questioning his own client [Taapsee] and establishing that she was a woman of “questionable character”. Not once were the questions that he asked met with haste or distaste but answered with clarity and sternness. It was this facet of personal responsiveness that he wished to instill in Tapsee, as a victim with a voice of her own.

The questions were aimed at revealing personal information but ended up setting in stone that Tapsee was someone, who as an adult, made choices of her own — without being paid or forced. When asked what indication she gave to the perpetrator that clarified her being against any sexual acts, she repeatedly said that she did not want to do it. When finally asked what it was she said to him, Tapsee claimed, “I said No.”

Not only do the characters in this scene seem to have assertive traits and communication styles, but the very theme of their dialogue is establishing the impact of the two-letter word which is “no.” This word by itself is a sentence, it is an expression and it is a claim that even though Tapsee put forward, went unheard by the parties involved. Assertiveness is also marked by the ability of an individual to say “no” when needed to do so, keeping in mind the interests and viewpoints of all other parties involved.

What follows is of course a judgement in the victims’ favour, but it is essential to remark on everything that went right in the one scene where the prosecutor and his client converse. They speak, they answer, they hear each other out, and that is the very essence of assertiveness in one’s life.

References:

• https://thriveworks.com/blog/assertive-vs-aggressive-whats-the-difference/#:~:text=Assertive%20behavior%20is%20all%20about%20standing%20up%20for%20yourself%2C%20but,respectful%2C%20unthreatening%2C%20nonviolent%20way.
• https://thriveworks.com/blog/why-people-have-aggression/
• https://ew.com/movies/2019/12/07/marriage-story-noah-baumbach-fight-scene/
• https://scroll.in/reel/850286/pink-revisited-the-anatomy-of-the-no-means-no-scene-and-the-original-ending
• https://www.lodestonecenter.com/assertive-vs-aggressive/#:~:text=While%20often%20confused%2C%20the%20biggest,yourself%20feeling%20guilty%20or%20angry.